If I Can’t Breathe, I Can’t Play // Hosea Week 1

“Getting punched hard in the face is a singular experience.” –Godless, Pete Hautman (2005)

I’ve never been punched in the face, but I have been hit in the gut. It was 1999 and Garrett Underhill kicked the soccer ball so hard into my stomach that I couldn’t breathe. I hunched over and stared at the soccer ball at my feet. Through blurred vision, I could see Underhill running toward me with his hands in the air. He was screaming at me.

“Kick the ball! Gabi! Hurry up, they’re coming! Gabi!”

Mallory Mathis kicked the ball in front of me and the kids continued to cheer as it never deviated from the goal. Underhill kicked dirt in my face. I still couldn’t breathe.

“Gabi, what was that?! Didn’t you see the ball right in front of you? What’s wrong with you? Now we lost!”

It took me a few seconds but I finally caught my breath.

“I wasn’t playing anymore,” I hyperventilated.

“What do you mean, you weren’t playing anymore?”

“Dude, you knocked the breath out of me. If I can’t breathe, I can’t play.”

“You’re a loser,” he scoffed.

I remember that day for two defining reasons in my life. First, that day told me that I would never be happy as an athlete. And second, that day told me that people expect you to stay in the game, even when you can’t breathe.

Sometimes I get the same feeling about God. In the spiritual soccer game of life, I inevitably get hit in the gut. And while I’m busy trying to grasp any concept of life, God still expects me to stay in the game.

I’m hunched over, trying to catch my breath, and I get the sense that God wants me to do something.

“No, God. I’m not playing anymore. If I can’t breathe, I can’t play.”

For those who were at the Bible study, Derrick asked a poignant question.

“Are you a prophet?”

And if you were like me, you turned your attention to God and said, “I love you. I want to serve you. But I’ve been hit in the gut too many times. I can’t breathe. I can’t play anymore.”

And you would not be alone in saying this.

“But Moses said, ‘O Lord, please send someone else to do it.’” (Exodus 4:13)

“‘But Lord,’ Gideon asked, ‘how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.’” (Judges 6:15)

“‘Ah, Sovereign Lord,’ I  said, ‘I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.’” (Jeremiah 1:6)

“But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish.” (Jonah 1:3)

“When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, ‘Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!’ For he and all his companions were astonished at that catch of fish they had taken.” (Luke 5:8)

There are many in the Bible who wanted to step out of the game. They felt unworthy, insecure, weak, burdened, afraid, and beaten. God’s response to them?

In reading these stories, I see a common three-step process that God takes with his servants who have been hit in the gut with a soccer ball.

1. “Do you not think I know this?” God knew Aaron was a better speaker than Moses. God knew Gideon felt abandoned and of little strength. God knew Jeremiah was young. The list goes on. God knows your pain, your doubts, your fears, your insecurities, your ego, your pride, your sins, and he knows the same for all of the “Aarons” in your life as well. Yet he still wants you on his team.
2. “I am with you.” God consistently tells the people he calls into ministry with him to not be afraid, to be strong, and to remember that God will not forsake them. He knows the journey will not be easy, and that they will need to call on Him for strength, power, guidance, and mercy. This is more proof that you are not doing this by your own skill, and the love that God has for you and His people will conquer any doubts expressed to Him.
3. “Go” (or my personal favorite) “Get up.” God then tells them that it is time, and that they need to forget the former things and go. In other words, it’s time to kick the soccer ball, even if you can’t breathe.

God may not be calling you to prophetic ministry. But He is calling you. He’s calling you when you’re hunched over and can’t breathe. He’s calling you to shine His light in these moments. For “we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us” (2 Corinthians 4:7).

When we’re hunched over after being hit in the stomach, all we can see is the soccer ball. We stop seeing the people. God wants us to kick the soccer ball so that we are able to shift our eyes upward, and see beyond the call.

I have a feeling that in the next few weeks, God is going to reveal to us through Hosea his intense love for us–a love so deep that we gladly stand to be hit with soccer balls, for we know that the breaths we lose for His sake are the ones we gain by His Spirit.

Praying for you this week.

#stayinthegame