Day 70 | Zak Calloway
I don’t know if I’m just projecting on to King David, but this is the tone I get from this section of Psalm 119. The section from last week (82-88) is a passioned plea for deliverance and God’s presence. This week’s passages seem to be David reminding himself all he knows about God (especially seen in 97-104). “I understand more than the elders do, because I obey your rules.”
David knows who God is and knows how to think about God. He had a deep understanding and beautiful ways of relating to God. Sometimes, I feel similar to David. I seem to understand who God is and what Gods character and nature is, but I constantly find myself wondering where he is or why he moves the way he does. Again, similar to David (108-110).
This past Wednesday at our Dub Pal worship night, Gabi brought an absolutely beautiful and honest talk. In it, she describes herself building a wall between her and God and how she used to feel close and intimate with God but now at most she’ll get on top of the wall and yell at God. For me, that separation from God never felt like a wall, but instead a massive trench or canyon.
I just spent some time in the West Coast (truly, California is the real Holy Land) and part of my trip was visiting the Grand Canyon for the first time. I had some truly existential moments on my trip and looking out on a tiny fraction of a massive crevice in the ground blew me away. As I was taking it all in, Hannah looked over at me and said, “Ya know, we can get to the other side too? It’ll just take half a day.” What. That’s insane.
My relationship with God has always seemed like a canyon. It’s not something artificial like a wall or castle I built to isolate myself. Rather, it’s this natural, vast distance that’s indescribable, humbling and discouraging. I, like David, know a lot about God (that’s the Thinker in me for you). I love learning about His character and I love discussing His nature, but I still will find myself unable to close that gap and truly FEEL that character and nature. And while, maybe I am projecting onto David, I’d like to think he felt that way too. He ends the passage:
“Your covenant laws are your gift to me forever. They fill my heart with joy. I have decided to obey your order to the very end.”
Maybe I won’t get to the other side of the canyon overnight, but maybe, through faith and grace, I’ll get to the other side at the end of a long life’s drive.