Day 56 | Gabriele Hickman

I have a side hustle at Justice, the clothing store for young girls. I get klutzy high fives from six year olds who purchased their first backpack and hugs from girls who are afraid of moving to California tomorrow (let’s get her a comfy pillow and jacket for the plane).

Wednesday I clocked in and walked in the back to get my name tag. In the process, I accidentally drop another worker’s tag, Kate, behind a folded table in a location that makes it almost impossible to retrieve the thing you lost. I sighed. Part of me wanted to just walk away. I’d never met Kate, and though I’m sure she was a lovely person, I didn’t have any loyalties to her. I’m sure she would find the name tag eventually and after some laboring would be able to finagle her way into getting it back. But I just couldn’t do it. I lurched over the table, the sides of it piercing into my stomach and knocking the breath out of me. I’m a person with integrity, dang it. I’m going to get this name tag! I reached to grab the tag and then realized that there was no way back up without falling first, which I did, and making a bunch of Serena Williams tennis match noises. After finally retrieving it and politely hanging it back up on the wall, I fixed my hair and went about my shift.

The next time I worked, I walked in to find my name tag on the ground behind the table. Whoever knocked it down didn’t pick it back up, and the whole scene was repeated. I was pretty annoyed. Really, God? After all I did to pick up Kate’s name tag when I dropped it, the same courtesy isn’t returned to me?

Ew. I hate that I think this way, but I do. And I think it’s a pretty human way to think.

I will seek to live a life of integrity.

When will you come to me?

David tries his best to “walk in his house with an honest and true heart,” and yet, he still feels a distance from God and he still battles through life’s grievances. He also still does things that breaks the heart of his King. I admire David’s praises to God through his ailments, and David’s desire to live a life of integrity through them too. I also relate to David’s wanting something in return for the life that he lives–a closeness with God, a spiritual affirmation, a blessing or two. Conditional living is a hard thing to escape from, and I think the Psalms remind us that part of the human experience is the tension that comes along with integrity and hope, selfishness and desire. It’s hard not to mix them in the journey of our lives.

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